Author: Georgia Cates
Series: Sin #4
Release date: November 11, 2016
Buy: Amazon US ~ Amazon UK
I'm a doctor. Mobster. Killer.
My hands are covered in filth. I don't have the right to touch anything as clean and pure as Ellison MacAllister.
I distance myself ... always remaining obscure, composed, restrained.
Careful to never allow my eyes to linger too long.
Careful to hide my interest.
Careful to keep my burning desire buried beneath the surface.
I do it for her--suffer in silence--because it's what is best for the woman I love.
And she has no idea.
She'll be initiated as a Fellowship member soon. One of my mafia brothers will go through endurance so he'll earn the right to claim her.
Make her his wife.
Kill. Me. Slowly.
I'm running out of time. Only a month remains before she's beyond my reach forever.
I want to taste her. Share sleepless nights. Ride out her storm.
I want to give her the kind of nights she will still feel between her legs the next morning.
I want us to share the kind of passion that forms on our skin and drips down to saturate the sheets.
Between the sweat and the moans and the messy hair, I want her to know how hard she's been loved.
To have her is to taint her.
I should stay away. But I won't. I can't.
I'm a selfish bastard.
A selfish bastard in love.
“I’m not as strong as you.” I don’t have an ounce of willpower when it comes to this beautiful man. Even now, I want to plead with him to have me. To claim me. To take me into the bedroom and make me scream his name over and over.
“I’m not as strong as you think.”
“You were strong enough to tell me no.” I ache in my chest as I recall him pushing me away. No man has ever hurt my heart the way Jamie did that day.
“You’re wrong. I’m so damn weak when it comes to you, Ellison.”
We’d be together if that were so. “We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one.”
“The Order takeover is scheduled to happen in three weeks. You’re going to belong to another soon after. And it’s making me lose my fucking mind.”
Is it wrong to be happy to hear him admit he’s going crazy? “You made your decision.”
“What if I don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing how you look when you wake next to me in the mornings, or how you feel in my arms at night when we fall asleep, or how you smile in your sleep when you’re dreaming of happy things?”
He didn’t mention a word about claiming or marrying me. That means I fall into the third category of females in his precious Fellowship. Fuck-worthy. “You said you wouldn’t taint me.”
“You won’t be considered tainted in the eyes of the brothers if they don’t know we’ve been together. It would have to be our secret.”
We’d be hush-hush, keeping everything we share in the dark . . . like it’s dirty. Like it’s wrong. Like it’s depraved.
So, what? When we’re over, I have to watch him hop from one Fellowship whore to the next because he can never have a wife? I have to pick up my broken heart and simply move on with my husband? I don’t work like that. It’s not in my makeup.
“I deserve better.”
“You deserve the best.” My chest tightens when Jamie repeats the words my father spent years instilling in me.
“You think sneaking around with you behind the backs of the brothers is what I deserve?” I want Jamie but not that way.
“It’s all I’m able to give you right now.”
“But I want more.”
I want his body, but more than that I want his love. I want his forever. My feelings are stronger than ever so what happens when our time together ends and I can’t give him up?
A month with the man I love versus never knowing what it feels like to have him inside me. Never knowing what it feels like to wake with him beside me. Never knowing what it feels like to have him hold me while I fall asleep. It should be a no-brainer . . . except I know me. I’ll fall so deeply in love with him that letting go will wreck me.
“A month together and then we part ways? It’s just not that simple.” It would be excruciating to mourn the loss of him in my life.
“You won’t question how hard you’ve been loved when I’m done.”
When I’m done. I hate those words so much. “Don’t you see? That’s the thing. I don’t want to be done and a month together is only going to solidify that for me.”
“I don’t want to be done either. If I could give you the kind of protection you’ll need, I would claim you today and give you my forever. But I can’t do that, Ellison. It isn’t what’s best for you. And I’d rather not have you than place you in danger because I’m selfish and want you for myself.”
“I shouldn’t be forced to decide between a month or never with you. It’s not fair.”
“I know. But you are who you are. I am who I am. Neither of us can be changed. I’ve given my life to The Fellowship. I’m committed to serving my brothers as a physician. My contribution. It isn’t possible to go back on my vow.”
I can’t make this decision right now. I need to think about the consequences of saying yes. “When do you need my answer?”
“Soon. I’ll have some backtracking to do with Sin if you decide against it.”
“One of The Fellowship women entered nursing school a year ago so she could become my assistant. I told Sin her motive wasn’t to help the brotherhood or me. I convinced him she was becoming a nurse to get close to me so I’d claim her.”
The thought of Jamie claiming another woman makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. Twice. “Is that true? Is she doing it because she wants you?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
I hate the thought of another woman getting close to Jamie. Despise it. “Would you claim this woman? Marry her?”
“You already know I’m not in a position to do either of those things right now.”
Right now doesn’t mean he won’t one day. “Would she live with you at the infirmary?”
“I haven’t given it a bit of thought. Spending the next month with you has been the only thing on my mind.”
She’ll live there. I know it.
I don’t want another woman living with him. But what say do I have if we aren’t together? None. Jamie can take in any woman he likes.
“Don’t think about her. Concentrate on us and focus on how good we’ll be together. How good the next month will be.”
A part of me wants to tell him he’s a selfish dickhead for asking this of me. But then there’s another part that understands exactly what he wants . . . because it’s what I want too.
“Can I have until tomorrow night?”
“Aye. I can cover with Sin until you decide. Until then, would you be willing to take a look at the properties with me tomorrow with the real estate agent? We’ll probably need some ideas on how each might or might not work for what we’ll need.”
What we’ll need. He’s so damn confident I’ll say yes to this proposal. I want to.
“Sure. What time?”
“Appointment is at 11:00. Could you be ready to go at 10:30?”
“All right. I understand this is a big decision. It’ll require a bit of consideration, so I’ll go and leave you with your thoughts.”
I follow Jamie to the door, maybe hoping he’ll offer a sample of what’s to come if I accept his proposal.
His hand goes for the doorknob but then retreats. “I think you could use a bit of friendly persuasion.”
I don’t have time to respond before my back is pressed firmly against the wall. I think he likes doing this—trapping me so I can’t escape his embrace.
His mouth comes down on mine forcefully as his hands move to grip my hips. The tips of his fingers dig into the flesh of my skin, almost painfully, through my yoga pants. He’s so aggressive. God, he would be a beast in bed.
My arms wrap around his shoulders as one of his hands glides around to grasp my ass and pull my leg upward so it’s wrapped around his waist. He dry humps me, grinding his hard cock against my crotch, as his mouth leaves mine to travel down my neck. “I’ll make it so good for you, Ellison. You won’t regret our time together. I swear.”
And that’s the problem. I know he’ll make it good for me, and it’ll possibly be the happiest time of my life. I’d get a taste of the life I could have with Jamie . . . and then it would be over. We wouldn’t have a choice. When it’s over, it’s over.
But, I crave him. Emotionally, physically . . . I want so badly to blurt out that I’ll do it. So tempting. But I don’t.
This man will consume me.
And what’s worse, I may let him.
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